I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
