Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
