After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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