I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
stop calling my apartment porn island.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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