and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
