Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
