I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
