We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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