I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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