Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize