I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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