About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize