I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
