But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
