like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
