Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
