I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
