Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
