She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
