I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
