walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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