I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
