These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Couch. On fire.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
