but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
