we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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