She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
