my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
