Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize