I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
