My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
