yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
