I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Life is so much better after having sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize