go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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