its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
