I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
