In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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