I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
