I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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