I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry about my life...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
