WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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