Girls should come with a carfax report
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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