so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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