Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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