This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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