It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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