and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
