I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
