we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
