apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
