Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
