who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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