I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize