Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
how drunk are you?
Several
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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