Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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