Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
