the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
