when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
