Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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