Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
