idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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