spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
