i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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