the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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