i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
