we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize