I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize