everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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