You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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